What I've been wondering about
My mind is soooo off on another planet. This is what I've been thinking about, pretty hard lately: When I worked at the mattress company I one day went to get food for everyone at KFC (this had to be like 5 years ago). So I am at this stop light, and look over in the car next to me. This white chic is driving and she is literally crying her eyes out. There is a guy sitting in the front seat with a blank stare on his face, facing forward. He's not comforting her, he's not talking to her. Light turns green....we drive and stop at the next light. She's still crying, he's still doing nothing.
I really wonder what she was crying about. Like, did he make her mad? Did they just break up? Did someone die? Did she lose her job?
And the thing is...I'll never know. Ever.
If I only have 3 questions to ask God once I get there...I would definitely give up the question on how dinosaurs died give up the question on how the piramids were built, and ask why that girl was crying that day. For some reason, that has really been bothering me.
Some New News
Well Mike knows. He knows everythig damn near everything. From to when I cheated, that I'm pregnant, I really don't know who it could belong to....all that. He doesn't know that I have an apartment with the guy...that's about all he doesn't know.
But you have no idea how much stress that has lifted off of my shoulders. I know that is extremely selfish, because I have kinda messed up two peoples lives just for a few nights of fun...and that's the terrible thing. Both of these dudes WANT this baby to be theres. Now that I am older, and have had time to think about a lot of things....I honestly want to be back with Mike. I miss him. I know that I was the ignorant person in the relationship. And that was a "big girl" pill I had to swallow.
But without getting into a whole long dialog -- Mike knows. Crazy thing, being that I believe in kharma, I deserve nothing less than this child being Douglass' and I'll never get back the thing that I want most....my old life.
Jeter - Monday, Sept. 28, 2009