So um, the baby is up and very awake this morning. I am hoping that this is not a trend (meaning that if the baby wakes me up every morning between 3:12 and 3:27 that it's not going to happen when baby actually arrives).
I've finally started to swell up. I mean like my face got a little fuller pretty soon after I found out I was pregnant. Now it's just straight up fat. So are my arms. Mike and I took pictures Sunday night, and the only reason I didn't start crying when I saw them was because he kept staring at them saying "wow you look so beautiful". I just said in my head "yeah, beautifully fat".
I don't think I've ever really really shared this, but I think maybe...just maybe I was a closet anorexic. If I didn't like the way I looked, I just stopped eating for a while. And I would get up at absurd times in the middle of the night and do workouts on the floor just to lose that extra bit of weight. I dunno...it was an easy fix. I didn't particularly want to go to the gym, because I hate people that say "girl you don't need to go to the gym, I do!! I'm much bigger than you". Yeah, well that may be and everything....but what does your weight have to do with mine?!? Hmmmm???
So being pregnant, I try to stay away from mirrors. It is kind of depressing.
But the funny thing...now that I'm back in the house with Mike - I'm actually happy. Really really happy. And I think that's a good thing. It's crazy how it took everything to happen for me to realize that all I ever wanted I had in Mike. Mike and I just had to work out a lot of things...you know, unearth some things.
Now I am a lot more open. If I'm irritated or tired, I tell him (instead of taking it out on him, or blaming him for me being irritated). If I want time alone, I just tell him. And that works. He has finally started to tell me that there are things I do that irritate him (which before his response was "no I like everything you do" - and that would piss me off to no end).
So things are really good. The cat is happy I'm back! I dunno how we got that cat to dance on his hind legs, but my little fat-butt cat does. And will happily 'nest' on my belly at night, which baby really likes.
Things are just really good!
Um, so yeah...
bye now.
Jeter - Monday, Sept. 28, 2009