I desperately need to get on anti-depressants and some type of anxiety medicine. I am completly terrified of leaving the house, unless we are going on a walk. like I start to panic on the inside. and I haven't really had any symptoms of anxiety since like 2004.
I just feel completely helpless. everyone has their opinion of what i'm doing wrong. like my sister is really nice. she tells me at least once a day how good of a job she thinks i'm doing. mike is good too, because he'll tell me, but only if i'm not lookinh 'happy'. but everyone else.....its just ''well if you did this....'' or ''well the reason why kennedy is doing this is because you're.....''
it all makes me feel so inadequate. and fucking retarded as well. trust me I never thought having an infant was easy. but this is just sooooooo difficult. and she's good! I mean she's really good baby -- she just likes things the way she likes it. period end of sentance.
so last week I was having extreme breast pain, but not when feeding her. so I called, went in to urgent care and they said I have mastitis (its common for women who breastfeed). they gave me cephalexin for antibiotics for 7 days.
the shit did nothing! I basically stayed in paon for 7 days. I call again and actually go in to my health center to see an obgyn. yeah I have ANOTHER very common type of breast infection that needs another type of antibiotic. and i'm suppose to take this for 14 days. all while continuing to breastfeed.
so evidentally all of these antibiotics are fucking with kennedy's system BADLY. she either doesn't poop for days, or she'll poop so much it comes out of the top and sides of her diaper.
so now she has gas very bad. and that makes babies very mad because they are in pain. the doctor said she's not constipted because her stomach is still soft, but that we need to watch her because she might develop colic.
there is no mother on this planet that wants to hear that!
Jeter - Monday, Sept. 28, 2009