Oh well, here is the email that City sent me....and then my response.

Sig,

Since I have come to know you, I have had some of the greatest moments that I can think of in a long time. When I’m around you I feel so comfortable that I can’t even begin to explain the peace that I feel. So everything that I’m about to say to you is from my heart.

First, let’s talk about the love thing. When I told you that I loved you, it was not the in-love type of love! It was the genuine love that one feels for a person; the kind of love that someone develops over a period of time. What I was telling you is that I really like you, and I care about you. When I see you, there is an inner peace that develops within me that makes me forget about all my troubles. It’s who you are that makes me feel that way. I enjoy every moment that we are together, and I wouldn’t trade those times for anything. But honestly, I don’t think that either one of us is ready for that!

I’m honestly mad that we have grown so quickly without truly knowing each other first. I have emotional issues that we have not discussed; and I know that you have the same problem. I honestly don’t know what to do, or how to deal with it, without jeopardizing what we already have. I want to be around you, but at the same time, I want to stop. I really don’t know what to make of the situation. Every day, I think about you, I think about me, I wonder what we are doing…to each other…emotionally.

I honestly think that right now, we need to take a step back and consider the situation. We (me and you) have always said that we will most likely be friends no matter what; but what if we have ruined that?

Sig, from the bottom of my heart, I care deeply about you. You asked me what do I want from you, and what do I want you to be to me? In answer to your question, right now I really don’t know. Like I said, I have emotional problems that I have yet to overcome! I’m not saying that I don’t want to see you anymore, I’m just saying that right now, no matter what, I want to continue to be your friend. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and when it comes, I can only prepare for the outcome. I don’t want to hurt you or bring you down with my problems. But, I probably won’t ever express my real problems with anyone; not Butchy, not Rick, not Fab or Ebay. They will be the problems that will most likely follow me to my grave.
As far as we are concerned, I hope that this doesn’t change anything between us; I hope to see you for dinner this week. I hope that you will miss me as much as I will miss you Easter weekend. Sig…I’m lost right now, and I truly hope that you understand.

I hope that I get a response to this email…I hope that you understand where I’m coming from. I hope that we can grow from this and that no matter what, we will always be friends. I’m going to sleep, and just like the violent movies from last night, I will dream about you tonight.
Please respond to my email…I will be looking for it in the morning!

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City,

Wow. I’m not really sure what it is that you want/expect me to say. I can tell you that you asked, at the end of your email, for me to respond so you can read it in the morning. So I am giving you what you asked for.

For starters, there hasn’t been a day that I’ve known you that I’ve expected anything from you other than friendship. I don’t assume, speculate, or try to put things “in terms”. You and I are friends. Yes we do spend a lot of time together. But I’ve always taken it as that; two people spending time together. Not once did I think or assume that you and I were in a relationship. Honestly, right now, I don’t want the pressure that comes with the label of “boyfriend/girlfriend”.

The only reason I asked you “what do you want from me/what do you want me to be to you”, is because you said “I love you”. Michael, when you said it, you did not quickly back it up with “I only mean I care for you as a person/friend”. It took you….a little while to say that. I was not, in any way, thinking that you said that because you were “in love” with me. I’m not that presumptuous with my emotions or with how I view things. I asked you about what you meant in the email I sent you Sunday, because I thought it was a little odd that you would say that….and I honestly wanted to know what you really meant behind the statement. That’s all.

What I am a little confused about (well one thing at least) – don’t I always ask you if “it’s okay that I come to your house?” Do I not frequently say to you “are you sure I’m not spending too much time with you?” I always tell you that “you can say ‘no’ and I won’t feel bad about it…” I do give you the opportunity on more than a few occasions to say ‘no’. But coming from you this way…it does make me feel bad. I don’t leave anything at your place. (Ok, wait…that I take back. I left that lingerie bag at your house, only because I didn’t have the hands to carry it or the space to put it in one of my bags – it’s in your coat closet on the floor. I left the DVD “Hitman” at your place as I honestly forgot to pick it up. And I left that oil diffuser at your house; you were still burning oil in it when I left). But I am typically extremely good at taking everything I own with me, regardless if we’ve talked about me coming back to your house that same night. I have never tried to “crowd” your space or “leave my mark” in your apartment. In reality, and honestly, there is no need to. I don’t think of us as anything more than friends. You can do what you want, with whom ever you want, at any time and I won’t think twice about it.

The emotional things that I deal with, I don’t show that in front of you. (With the exception of when I freaked out while at work last week). Other than that, I don’t “deal” with things in front of you. Mainly, they have nothing to do with you. I think that I am a fairly open person, and I think you do know that you can tell me anything you want, if you chose to do so. You have continuously said that “you talk more when you are around me” and that “you listen more” as well. And I don’t think I’ve ever pressured you, or even really asked you, what things are going on with you. If you want to tell me, you will; if you don’t want to tell me, you won’t. I don’t like to make things that complicated.

I think it’s strange that you said “I don’t want to hurt you or bring you down with my emotional problems”. Not saying that I think of you as perfect or even think that you think you’re perfect, but you don’t really show “emotional problems” in front of me. You never talk about them. With the exception of money, work, car-type things (which is basic and problems that are almost typical with everyone). If you are going to take these issues that you’ve just stated that you’ll probably never share with anyone, to the grave….I’m not entirely sure I understand why you even bring them up in the first place. It appears as if you have already decided to never talk about them or discuss them with anyone, so how could you possibly ‘bring me down with them’. Although you can tell me anything you want to…that’s one thing I hope I’ve made pretty clear in the time we’ve known each other.

::sigh:: This is far longer than I intended, so I’ll try to wrap this up…

Do I understand where you are coming from? Succinctly.

Does this change anything between us? Unquestionably.

::laughing:: Seriously, look at the email you sent me, objectively. Take out the fact that it’s you and someone you know and/or care about. Just read it objectively, and tell me what the email reads to you. (Actually you don’t have to tell me, just think about it).

Will you see me for dinner on Wednesday? No. One, I don’t think that would be the smartest thing at this point. Two, you are clearly asking for your space. And finally, I don’t know how you thought I’d not be hurt at all by this email. Well maybe not by the email in itself. But the underlying meanings, that’s probably the….. Do I understand what you mean by you are confused? Yes, because for the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling the same. My reasons were completely different though. I knew we were starting to grow quickly, but I was more afraid of you asking me for more than I was ready to give. As long as it stayed where it was, at some type of comfortable interval, than I knew I’d be fine.

Just tell me one thing. Did you start to feel this way before or after we had sex? And was that before or after you said you are uncomfortable using condoms? Actually don’t tell me. I probably don’t want to know the answer anyway. Three month rules are good for a reason, and I can’t be upset with you for something I didn’t stick to.

I don’t discredit you for how you feel. And I’m glad, in a way, that you’ve said how you felt. Will we remain friends - of course, I don’t see a reason why not. But I don’t think I can talk to you for a few days, at least. I hope that you can understand that.

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Ok, I so that's that.

And no, I haven't taken the test.

And yes, it would be his if it is.

And no, I wouldn't tell him.

Takek that pound. #